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I look over at the
warehouse that I was hiding in, the warehouse I got ambushed in, the warehouse
I spent my last moments as a human in. It seems like a sad place to end your
life in, alone, curled in to a ball, praying to a god you never believed in,
when there was time for such things, praying that they wouldn’t find you.
They found me, and now I
am one of them, hunting the people I always knew were out there, the people
that were the only thing I had to hold on to when I thought about how much easier
it would be if I was dead, so so much easier. Now I am dead and it is not easier,
I am dead and a zombie, my mind and body being taken over by this poison that
is making me a monster.
Out of the corner of my
eye I see an ear, a small ear. I run not aware of what is going on and in a
second my hand is around a small child’s neck, and I hear a snap just as I…as I
realize that this child is…is my brother, the brother that I cherished, the
brother that I would do anything for, the one I almost killed my self over
because I thought my hole family was dead, I thought that I was alone. But here
is my brother losing warmth in my arms and we could have worked together, he
would have been my reason to live. But I killed him and am now am ripping
myself away from his tiny body.
I decide something then,
I will not be controlled by this poison that has made me kill my brother, I
will not live under this poison that is making me an unspeakable monster. I
kiss my brothers forehead, tell him that I am sorry, so so sorry that I could
not protect him that I have failed him and run. Run to the place where all of
this will end and I will be free or at least be able to sleep.
When I get there I’m
panting and have a cramp so I sit down, eyes closed, not, for the first time in
a month worrying about who or what could be chasing me, no one can touch me
now. As I sit there, thinking over ever thought I’ve ever had, every face I can
remember, every one I’ve ever known.
My cramp is gone and I
stand up eyes still closed and take a step forward, feeling the rocks under my
feet. I open my eyes and look around, not for enemies but to make a last
memory. It’s gray and the trees are barren but it is still beautiful it’s been
growing over the banks of what it would have ever been if civilization had
never broke down and people weren’t fighting alone and to live, not as they did
before, when it was normal to fight for someone you didn’t know, when people
had the time to have wars.
I take another step and
again see the faces of my mother, father, sister, brother and every one I’ve
ever loved, I do not see them dead as I know they are, but happy, smiling. What
is going to happen next, I have no idea, but if there is an after life I will
not be alone and if there isn’t I will at least get to sleep.
I’m at the edge of the
cliff now and as I take my final breaths I feel valiant, I will not become a
slayer of innocent people, I will not be a brain washed monster. I will die now
and it will be on my own terms, this is my life and I will end it.
So I jump and feel a rush
of adrenalin, I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but I am excited for
it, this is a good day to die.
I fall for what seems
like ever but I do hit the ground, and without anytime to register pain, there
is darkness.
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